Yaquina City Shocked
Community ponders the safety of their children and whether fruit ought to be on the daily recommended food groups chart.

Yaquina City awoke today to a new threat after several children
were brought in for professional counseling after they were reportedly attacked by, of all things, a bowl of fruit, Everyone is wondering if their community is safe or not.
Sargent Roundtop of the Yaquina Police Department said they often see cases of vegetable trauma among kids, but rarely do they see fruit trauma. He promised a thorough investigation.
One tip they are following is that pears from Medford had been moved into our community this past August; many of whom were relocated before they were ripe. They wound up incubating on kitchen window sills in the fall sun. It's thought that the combination of hot sun and surging fructose drove some of them crazy, pushing them into "Pear Pedifillia." Stalking their victims from the kitchen window sill.
Some of these found their way into the fruit bowl, and police now think that there was a notorious "bad apple" they'd been looking for, in that bowl too. Soon, this cornucopia of corruption was rotten to the core and began planning their attack.
The children apparently fought off the verge gone berserk but not without obvious emotional scars.
Srgt. Roundtop told us that one pear survived themaylay and was taken from the bowl and placed in a lineup where he was picked out by one of the children.
City Councilwoman, Iris "Happy" Day, promised new legislation requiring all "out of area" fruit be placed on the "GPS Monitored Food Groups List," and web site.
Roundtop advised all citizens to be more careful in the kitchen area, learn the sugar content of your fruit and provide an escape route near the fruit bowl for your children.